Sleep Talkin Man

So this guy in England talks in his sleep and says some of the nastiest, most batshit insane stuff I've ever heard.  And his wife records it on her blog for our collective laffs.  A few gems:

"Hey I know you, but I don't like your face. Take it off... That's much better, much better."

"Of course the zombie loved me. She gave me her heart. Mmmmm-hmmm. And her hand in marriage."

"I've got a really terrible terrible feeling about this custard tart. Terrible."

"Let me hold you in my arms. Feel me squeeze the living fucking breath out of your bastard body. Bliss. Lovely."

"Don't... Don't put the noodles and the dumplings together in the boat. They'll fight! The noodles are bullies. Poor dumplings." [ed. This statement is actually true.  Fucking noodle thugs]

"You're pretty. pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty.... [long pause] Now fuck off and be pretty somewhere else. I'm bored."

(From)