Wednesday, November 4, 2009

Bears Gone Bald

Oh Jesus, what fresh fuckery is this? According to the Daily Mail, all of London Zoo's female spectacled bears have gone simultaneously bald. This answers the age-old question 'What do spectacled bears wear under their clothes?' Apparently a leather gimp suit that makes them look like something out of my nightmares.

At the moment, no one knows what caused this synchronized hair loss. I've got a few ideas of my own: 1) inbreeding. Captive animals, especially endangered ones, are regularly bred with siblings and cousins to make sure the world's zoos have enough docile creatures for display. 2) some kind of secret plot to freak us all the fuck out. Well, I've got news for you, female spectacled bears: it's working.

1 comment:

Ashlee said...

Global warming, perhaps?

When I first saw this, I thought they were remaking yet another horror classic An American Werewolf in London.

Zoos are some pretty oppressive places, aren't they? Hey kids, that's what the Nat Geo channel is for! You wouldn't like it if you were drugged and held captive for long periods of time.

Oops, that's called the public school system. And I ain't just talkin' 'bout Ritalin, Hostess does a fine job too.

So these poor bears should do like the character in the movie and raise a little hell of this inhumanity. Or, inanimality.