ghostwrite the whip

http://www.gensleron.com/cities/2012/3/15/what-will-it-take-to-make-navy-pier-a-real-place.html

psychodelia

i made this

Bomb Threats and Weak Links

There’s a Planned Parenthood a few blocks from my work, one of a handful in Chicago offering pregnancy termination. This morning clinic workers showed up to find a box waiting on the sidewalk outside their office. Later, someone called threatening to detonate the bomb inside.

Police moved quickly. In a few minutes they’d cordoned off most of the neighborhood, rerouting buses and frustrating the last of the morning commuters. We watched the lockdown from our window. Displaced nurses stood on the corner hugging each other and glancing over their shoulders. My boss fretted over whether to send us home.

Auspicious Beginnings

Everything was going so well until the very end. I decided I'd earned myself a tea break and went to get hot water from the break room. I filled my cup, turned off the spigot, and kept the mug there a few seconds longer to catch the drips. As you do.

Only the spigot wasn't turned off. And those last few drips? Turned into a flood.

Now I'm standing there paralyzed, almost-boiling water running out over my hands onto the floor. I don't want to call attention to myself. All I can think to do is search around for other mugs or buckets to fill while half-whispering, "Um...guys?" Then I get the brilliant idea to unplug the damn water cooler that started this whole mess, but the plug I end up yanking is the one for the mini-fridge (sorry, new coworkers, if your tuna salad tastes like stank today. I didn't mean it). Meanwhile my hot tea is soaking the carpet and the waterfall just.won't.stop.

Eventually I got the whole thing figured out, but only after three different people had come to the door to gawk at the new girl and the disaster she was making.

Good thing this gig is only once a week, huh?

Job Update

Oh god.  I just googled 'homemade kombucha suppositories' to get started on my article (what have I become?), and this blog came up second in the search results.  My blog's never come up second for anything.

I am royally fucked.

My Job So Far

Two weeks ago I quit my job in favor of something else.  I still haven't figured out what that 'something' should be, but for the time being I'm filling my days (and stopping my leaking wallet) by writing crap freelance articles for publication online.  It's lonely work.  But occasionally hilarious.  In the past week, I've taken on several articles.  I'd like to share some titles with you:

--How do I negotiate benefits?
--Will my pond plants survive the winter?
--How much does liquid oxygen cost?

Today I'm taking on a few more gems:

--What minerals to take with an ion foot bath
--Homemade kombucha suppositories for hemorrhoids (curiosity got the better of me...)
--DIY Cheap Solutions for Murphy Beds

That last was filed under 'Fish'.

I can't tell if I like this gig or not, but it's certainly teaching me a lot about affordable aquatic furniture...

...gone

Thanks to everyone I worked with at the Empowerment Group over the last 2.5 years. Your caring brought me new hope.

 

Like a Bridge

At my going-away party we started talking about our favorite bridges (I'm really going to miss it here). My coworker Lindsey maintains the Verazzano is the best bridge in the world. I can't speak to that, never having traveled it myself. But in looking for pictures to demonstrate its awesomeness, I found this photo of the Verazzano under construction. I'm not an engineer, but brief glimpses like this make me appreciate the profession all the more.

The pylon's just sitting in the middle of the water! How did they get it out there in the first place?!!

Homies

Man, for once I'm not totally embarrassed by the piece posted to my work blog. Maybe that's cuz I wrote it super-quick and didn't have to think long about the all mistakes I was making. Or maybe it's just a good article. Whatever. You should read it; I've only got two more weeks of this shit left.

Hey!

The other blog I write for's pretty cool too.

What's In a Name?

When you're talking about business names, apparently a whole lot.

Why I Love My Job

Sometimes I get emails like this:

I PASSED MY REAL ESTATE EXAM !!

I AM SO EXCITED!!!

HOPE ALL IS WELL WITH YOU!!
TALK TO YOU SOON!

If You Don't Have Anything To Write About

Don't write about anything at all!

Another Thursday, another BYOBB post. This time it's on blogger's block, a delightful phrase I thought I invented, a thought Google once again proved totally, terribly wrong.

Shameless

Self-promotion.

Free Stuff Free Stuff

Free software for business owners. Check out my run-down over at the work blog.

Mr. Effing Softee

Apparently, there's an ice cream truck distributor less than a block from my office. In the winter, I was blissfully unaware of this fact. Now that it's summer (sorta), and hotter than a crotch, we keep all the windows open. And Mr. Effing. Softee. plays all day long. That tinkling loop of song (it's not even a song! tantalizingly close to 'Bicycle Built for Two,' but not quite) is drilling itself into my brain. I wake up singing it. I leave work singing it. I imagine that if I were ever to become a serial killer, this is the tune I'd be singing as I cheerfully, efficiently offed my victims.

The madness has got to stop. Or, we've got to get an air conditioner.